Are you using ‘Smart’ in a way I am not familiar with?

Phones are now smart apparently. This has come as quite a shock and one that I’m still trying to reconcile with my expectations. The first mobile phone patent was issued 102 years ago. To reach the dizzying heights of smartness in that time is quite good going. I can only assume that over the next century the intelligence of phones will evolve to a level where they will dispense with the need for humans and start communicating together directly (about what I shudder to think). Or maybe marketing departments should be a little more circumspect in their choice of terminology.

I have a Blackberry and I like it. Nice screen, easy email. It doesn’t get too hot either, its thermally well designed. I do sometimes catch myself eyeing up a friend’s iPhone in the same way that magpies (and sales people) are attracted by shiny things. The smart in SmartPhone I think refers to the fact that there is a complete operating system and the ability to install and run applications. Sure this provides flexibility but surely it falls short of smart-ocity(?).

If a phone were smart it would recognise the fact that it’s 5:30am, it’s moving, infer that I’m up at stupid o’clock again driving to work and with a gentle voice say that there’s a Costa Coffee 2 miles away and would I like it to plot a route for me.

If a phone were smart it wouldn’t just sit there staring blankly at me whilst I ask it to send an email to my boss telling him I’m going to be late into the office as I’m currently stuck in Costa Coffee on my 3rd caramel latte.

If a phone were smart at the end of the day it would see that there had been numerous heated emails going back and forth between me and my boss about lateness and recommend a local drinking establishment for me. At the end of the evening it would be aware that I had used the phone to pay for numerous wines and would automatically block potentially career limiting text messages being sent to my boss.

The phone would also refer to me as ‘master’ and assume a butler type approach in all its dealing with me.

A comment left on last weeks rant indicated that there is indeed a commercially available flying car now available. Now it’s available I now don’t really want one after all. I’ve checked out the Blackberry app store and with an expected sense of disappointment I haven’t found anything close to getting the phone to do the above. O well, I’m sure it will come, one day. Until that day it’s maybe best not to refer to the phones as smart; flexible sure, better than last year certainly, but pretty dumb compared to what they will become.

Dear Future, please hurry up.

28th July 2010 Nottingham

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